What ruins a garden left alone?
Weeds
Yep.
They steal nutrients from other plants, creating relentless battle for survival. — And if the annoying little things aren’t pulled, a harvest eventually fails. Crazy huh, when you stop to think about it!
Where do ‘weeds’ take root in your life, and your kids?
Technology is 21st Century’s “soil”. We hear about weed-like behavior online, and it’s only growing.
Today, parents are digital farmers. (Are you following me? 🙂 Take away the family cow and the tractor, you and I have land to tend. — Your kid’s life is a thriving pasture, and negative influences are weeds. ‘Farming’ is a daily thing, and requires more than surface care. Whether or not kids have a phone, digital opportunity is all around; this conversation is for all of us.
You are a ‘digital farmer’.
What kind of labor are you willing to put in here?
The simple fact is this. You know your kids best, their strengths and weaknesses. You are the best farmer for this. So pull the weeds. Do whatever it takes.
The idea that kids need less parenting with age, less time, — it’s not true! Your kids need more of you! They need your commitment. They need your concern. They need your intentional presence. They need B O U N D A R I E S ! — They just need especially gentle tone with delivery.
(I’m learning this with crazy speed, bumps, and bruises. None of us are alone here!)
How can I offer independence, without loosing too much grip? What is overstep when it comes to privacy? I want to respect my teen, and I don’t want to push them away.
Amen to all of that. Here are some tidbits I’ve gathered in my research, and written down. Hope they rest well with you too!
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Digital support is just one role of parenting, and digital freedom is just one part of teenage independence. Don’t let digital independence define your kid’s judgement of freedom. Do our kids realize how good they have it!? What is their world view? (That’s a whole other post 🙂
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Screen presence does not define a person’s value. Every one of us is created with purpose. How is technology supporting this? Friends should not be limited to screen engagement, and social media is just one way to connect, etc. Put security in the right things.
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The Internet is never private. Screenshots and social networking make everything permanent. Everything you say and do online can be saved and shared, forever. (For me, for you, for every single person.)
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Use passwords to protect, not to liberate. Passwords aren’t for privacy between parent and child. Password privacy is ultimate freedom! When your kids have password control, they are free to explore wherever they please.(Temptation will arise, no matter how trusting your kids are!)
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Teenagers want to be heard. Listen before you speak, and they will be quicker to hear you out. (Eek, so convicting for me. Slow down, and listen ~)
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Set clear boundaries. Stick to them. And review them often. Kids like to know what’s expected of them.
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L O V E ~ T H E M ~ F I E R C E L Y (Spend time. Communicate. Accept. Support. Be available. Know them. Know their friends and their interests.)
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Be thoughtful. “You are what you think.”
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Build on the positive. Help your kids see that you are “for them” and not against them, especially when things don’t go their way. (Disappointments will come. Offer hope as a shield. What is their anchor when things go awry?)
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Don’t battle for supremacy. So many times a battle for independence can blind our focus on what matters most. When we parent for their good, not our own, perspective is right. (Another note to self!)
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Pull you own weeds too. Examples often speak louder than words.
What would you add to this? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please share. Let this be a community of support.
Together we T H R I V E ~
Til next time!
~ Ayme
We Thrive Online 