Before We Homeschool Our QuaranTeens & Kids

A note to parents who are feeling pressure to homeschool right now.

Call me crazy. It’s Thursday, 4 days into quarantine, and academic progress is really the last thing I’m pushing on our kids. (What, Ayme, aren’t you a teacher? Doesn’t your family already homeschool?) Public, private, charter, home school, whatever you do — I’m pretty confident a break is totally ok right now! Because, give me a sec.

A few days away from grade-level learning isn’t a matter of survival. There’s a reason for putting the oxygen mask on yourself before helping someone else. What happens to a dependent if their support fails? Self care is critical, and it’s not selfish. Get grounded. youcannothelpsomeoneelseifyoureweak

I’ll be honest I was needing some personal space and care before all of this, so everything right now is icing on the cake. (I’m pretty sure that’s a lot of us.)

Have you ever appreciated coffee and whipped cream so much!

Hey. Moms, Dads, Everyone. It-is-O-K to tread lightly for a minute. A handful of days without school structure…it’s ok. And what else — have we ever needed such a minute to gather our thoughts! Can we please gain perspective before shifting daily habits, be it homeschool or something else.

I just took a couple of days off, and here I go – like a boss. No, please, are you serious?!

Is anyone feeling stress-free right now? What’s your secret!?

But a few unstructured days have me feeling slightly less dizzy. So that helps! Here are 4 ideas I’ve been thinking about, as we create new routines and normalcy at home. And I’m curious what you’d add?

Check Your Needs What are the needs of each member in my home? – How can I make sure each person’s needs are met (including mine)?

Space – emotional and physical
Accepting each other’s perspectives – don’t expect everyone to handle this the same
Attention
Time and connection
Freedom to create
Freedom with time management
Boundaries with technology
Regular schedule and routine
Acceptance
Encouragement
What else?

Use This Time to Grow How can each family member grow spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally during this time? (soul-body-mind-heart) Can each of us have one goal with these areas to focus on every day?

Soul What is feeding your soul? Are you growing closer to God in this time? As Christians, we read the Bible and pray because we believe the Holy Spirit protects us. And God gives us what we need. We need peace, joy, love, patience, goodness, kindness, self-control, gentleness, faithfulness, all more than ever right now!
Body Nutrition and exercise are so important, all the time. And what other ways do you take care of yourself?
Mind Are you reading something right now? What are you focusing on that’s true and good, lovely and right? Are you growing your mind to learn new things?
Heart Empathy and compassion grow with practice and intention, right? How are you keeping a soft heart when your world is flipped around?

Give and Be Selfless

What does selflessness look like right now? It might be sending a text, or a phone call. Maybe it’s giving food or other items to neighbors. Maybe it’s supporting an effort in your local area. Yes, giving to others is so needed right now. And especially in our own homes. How are we giving selflessly to one another right now, in our home? Be peace, be love, be joy, be patient, be kind, be gentle. This.is.hard.

Be Sure to Rest

What part of the day can be set aside without expectation? To me, rest is disengagement from all influence and structure. It means a total break from technology, accomplishment, and expectation. It means journaling, creating, and walking leisurely. For me, rest sometimes means closing my eyes in a quiet room, lighting a candle, painting, cleaning something just because I feel like it, putting flowers in vases, repotting a plant, daydreaming. What does it look like for you?

I want to look back on this season and smile. I want to create memories of hope and love, peace and certainty, don’t you?

Hugs to you and yours — from 6 feet away, of course.

Together We Thrive!
~Ayme

If they Learn One Thing, Let it be This.

We laugh ~

It’s just a picture. A video.

No, it’s a real person!

Memes, GIFs. Late night and other tv. Podcasts, whatever else. You know what I’m talking about. Filters add a little makeup, and we forget.

I feel the shift, but also this is really hard to parent! When people are like avatars, it numbs empathy, right?

I had no idea the influence of humor would be such an opposite pole in the journey of raising teenagers.

It’s not everything, all the time. But have you looked at a kids social media feed lately?

They’re laughing at the strangest things, honestly. I don’t appreciate all of it, and I think that’s expected between generations. But there’s a side we can’t ignore. Ethical issues are thwarted with twisted humor, and it’s shaping minds.

Some of the memes going around are really messed up, I don’t know how else to say it. When Kermit the Frog commits suicide, comics condone rape, and racism is funny, — we really need to figure this out!

Comedy hazes discernment, and it awakens my mama heart.

Friends, this is our kids’ culture, every one of theirs. This is what they gather around. It’s how they’re growing up. Phone or no phone, with or without social media. These influences lead their conversations, and worldview.

I can’t stay on point, can you? Doesn’t matter. Trends are a distraction.

Today’s parents, all of us, have challenges with social media. And it’s impossible to monitor everything, all the time.

Hope depends on the heart ~ We can harness that.

So if my kids (our kids) learn one thing, let it be this. Treat others kindly, ‘how you want to be treated’ — off screens, and on screens. It doesn’t matter the format. We all agree, realizing the heart and the value of every single person is good. It’s Right.

The Golden Rule anchors us.

In a culture that’s less thoughtful, we have to decidedly lead against the grain. Media fog rolls in, so be conscious and ready. This isn’t a game of dodgeball. Would you say it’s more like capture the flag?

Digital parenting takes action. It means stepping forward. Being aware. It means pausing and responding. It sometimes means speaking up, when we don’t want to. Having standards. Finding teachable moments, seeking them out. Loving others. Valuing people. The Golden Rule is mindfully taught.

And when, not if, one of us fails — be the one who’s kind. Speak the truth, in love. Because we are all learning here.

Screens empower us! Use them for good!

Together We Thrive~

Parenting Our Digital Teens

Do you have teenagers? We should talk. How are you – how’s it goin these days? We pass each other, and sometimes I just want to stop for a bear hug! Don’t you? Because we share a lot of the same:)

Raising digital teenagers is twice the challenge. Love, be kind, encourage.

Raising double digit kids. This mix of sentiment, comedy, hustle, and joy, challenge and fear. I can honestly say it’s the most emotional season I’ve tackled as a mom.

Not just because they’re growing up, all the inevitable. But this heart-wrenching desire to prepare them for all of everything that’s out there, in a small bit of time. And protect them, because consequences today, you know. And I love them. So. Much!

Parents have said this for generations, and every 20 years brings on a new challenge. But things really are different today. Effects with technology are grandiose. Yes, there are definitely benefits. But we can’t deny the risks. Exploitation of identity, a single bad choice or mistake. One simple moment might become public, or viral.

Before now, parents never dealt with the dark hidden pain of cyberbullying. Today, there are kids with addiction and trauma, like never before. Access to things like videos of sex and suicide create deep wounds. Today’s kids face risks of sextortion and trafficking with one click of a button. God knows everything else I won’t mention.

When someone argues with me that it’s no different today, I literally bite my tongue. Please don’t be ignorant to what has evolved. Today’s parents have overtime, 7 days a week.

Screens make the role twice a challenge for us. Digital identity, documented moments, and the effects of screen time infiltrate each layer of existence. And none of us really understand where it’s headed.

*Darn* this digital tightrope we’re on!

Hey, I know it’s not the easiest conversation. Digital parenting is a tangled chat. The topic creates tension. It makes us super vulnerable to a judgy response or insecure with where we’re headed. Also, it’s not really the best date night topic. Or one for a road trip, because teenagers don’t really nap anymore;)

Maybe you’re lucky to have a friend on the same page. Let’s count that one of life’s most beautiful gifts. (Yes!) Maybe you’re new to the game, or I lost you with the mention of “screens” because your kids don’t have phones. – Yet.

It doesn’t really matter. This is life today. Moms, Dads, we’re in this, together. What are you doing about it? Here are 5 things I’m working on over here. What would you add?

Keep My Heart in Check. Stay soft and moldable.

Choose Thankfulness as a Boundary for My Mind. Always find something to be thankful for. (even when it’s not easy) Replace fear with truth, and doubt with gratitude. For what is, and what is to come.

Love Fiercely, Selflessly. Give My Kids a Chance to Know My Heart for Them. Digital parenting isn’t a game. And no one wins with a power struggle. It’s not about being right or wrong. They’ll make mistakes. I will too. Heart-centered wins!

Admit My Hopes and Uncertainties. It’s good for our kids to know we don’t have it all figured out. That’s being honest.

Bring Wisdom to the Table. Every. Chance. Technology is changing all the time, still that doesn’t make us weak. Put on truth, love, faith, peace. (Ephesians 6)

Let’s pass by each other warmly. Greet each other kindly. Love each other prayerfully. I hope at least one parent out there feels the encouragement! There is hope for every generation, yes that means ours! ~

Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His. We are his people. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name ~ For the Lord is good. His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 100

Together We Thrive!

~Ayme

Kids n Technology

“I sent my 10-year old daughter to a sleepover, and they watched YouTube videos the entire time!” A friend shared her frustration. ‘Aren’t little girls supposed to be telling stories and painting nails?’

We sat together, four moms,in a rare conversation…each with a similar story, an emotional thread to contribute. I don’t have a daughter, but it’s the same with boys.

Screen freedom at social gatherings is a much bigger deal than anyone likes to make it. Do you agree?

When kids hang out, are we curious enough about their technology? For the sake of innocence, and guarded for their path, we have to be. What do they see? What do they share? What fills their minds? And how is it affecting them?

A parent can never fully retrace their child’s experience online. It’s just not really possible.

We all know, there’s so much to consider when it comes to social media and screens. Cyberbullying, social media pranks or dares, explicit sexual content, fake identity, pressure to participate, “nudes” (as kids are calling them), etc. — Morale is challenged at every turn, and it’s taking a toll on us, on our kids, and their friends.

With just one click, people are forever changed by these little devices. And it’s happening daily.

So what do we do?

I don’t want to go ‘there’ without some kind of resolution.

Do you?

We have to communicate as parents…carefully and honestly. This is a new role for me, and maybe for you too. These are some ideas to think about, and I wonder if you agree. (Also, I’m just beginning to try these things out & know it’s not going to be easy!)

6 Considerations When Talking with Other Parents |Kids & Technology

Boundaries~ Decide and communicate them as a family, before expecting anything somewhere else.

Respect~ Without concern for one another, a conversation about the kids and devices is a lost cause. If a parent doesn’t show care for another’s values, maybe the kids should keep some distance. It’s not that everyone has to agree, but there should be respect for each other’s boundaries.

Clear Communication about Expectations ~ This is the tricky one. I mean, it really calls us out of the comfort zone. And personally, I have a lot of growing to do here. If our kids share technology with someone else’s, there has to be an exchange between parents about the details. (Agh, it’s even hard to say that out loud. This isn’t something anyone really does, at least not in my circle.) Here are some things we should agree on~

Movie Ratings
Internet Access
YouTube Viewing
Social Media Availability
Location of Screens in the Home
Time limits or Restraints (esp. at a sleepover)
TV Accessibility
Video Game Approval
Ability to Download or Delete Apps
The Possibility of Removing Technology Altogether for the Event

Sacrifice for Differences ~ There will be differences. There might be a few, or there might be a lot, but families rarely share exact standards. And if we agree to let our kids hang out with someone else’s, everyone has to feel comfortable. It might take some sacrifice (for our kids and for us).

Accountability Assurance~ After expectations are spoken, what kind of monitoring will take place? How will I keep an eye on all of this in my home, and how will they…in theirs.

Trust or Distance ~ If we’ve come this far, and still don’t trust a situation for our child (children), distance might be needed. How very difficult this is, we need confidence for their protection.In this season, we’re stunned by the need to speak up. It is so.not.easy. Would you add anything to add to this list?

Join the Conversation~Together We Thrive!

Ayme

Digital Freedom {A Parent’s Role}

What ruins a garden left alone?

Weeds

Yep.

They steal nutrients from other plants, creating relentless battle for survival. — And if the annoying little things aren’t pulled, a harvest eventually fails. Crazy huh, when you stop to think about it!

Where do ‘weeds’ take root in your life, and your kids?

Technology is 21st Century’s “soil”. We hear about weed-like behavior online, and it’s only growing.

Today, parents are digital farmers. (Are you following me? 🙂 Take away the family cow and the tractor, you and I have land to tend. — Your kid’s life is a thriving pasture, and negative influences are weeds. ‘Farming’ is a daily thing, and requires more than surface care. Whether or not kids have a phone, digital opportunity is all around; this conversation is for all of us.

You are a ‘digital farmer’.

What kind of labor are you willing to put in here?

The simple fact is this. You know your kids best, their strengths and weaknesses. You are the best farmer for this. So pull the weeds. Do whatever it takes.

The idea that kids need less parenting with age, less time, — it’s not true! Your kids need more of you! They need your commitment. They need your concern. They need your intentional presence. They need B O U N D A R I E S ! — They just need especially gentle tone with delivery.

(I’m learning this with crazy speed, bumps, and bruises. None of us are alone here!)

How can I offer independence, without loosing too much grip? What is overstep when it comes to privacy? I want to respect my teen, and I don’t want to push them away.

Amen to all of that. Here are some tidbits I’ve gathered in my research, and written down. Hope they rest well with you too!

Digital support is just one role of parenting, and digital freedom is just one part of teenage independence. Don’t let digital independence define your kid’s judgement of freedom. Do our kids realize how good they have it!? What is their world view? (That’s a whole other post 🙂

Screen presence does not define a person’s value. Every one of us is created with purpose. How is technology supporting this? Friends should not be limited to screen engagement, and social media is just one way to connect, etc. Put security in the right things.

The Internet is never private. Screenshots and social networking make everything permanent. Everything you say and do online can be saved and shared, forever. (For me, for you, for every single person.)

Use passwords to protect, not to liberate. Passwords aren’t for privacy between parent and child. Password privacy is ultimate freedom! When your kids have password control, they are free to explore wherever they please.(Temptation will arise, no matter how trusting your kids are!)

Teenagers want to be heard. Listen before you speak, and they will be quicker to hear you out. (Eek, so convicting for me. Slow down, and listen ~)

Set clear boundaries. Stick to them. And review them often. Kids like to know what’s expected of them.

L O V E ~ T H E M ~ F I E R C E L Y (Spend time. Communicate. Accept. Support. Be available. Know them. Know their friends and their interests.)

Be thoughtful. “You are what you think.”

Build on the positive. Help your kids see that you are “for them” and not against them, especially when things don’t go their way. (Disappointments will come. Offer hope as a shield. What is their anchor when things go awry?)

Don’t battle for supremacy. So many times a battle for independence can blind our focus on what matters most. When we parent for their good, not our own, perspective is right. (Another note to self!)

Pull you own weeds too. Examples often speak louder than words.

What would you add to this? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please share. Let this be a community of support.

Together we T H R I V E ~

Til next time!

~ Ayme