13 Conversations | Photos and Privacy

What is privacy worth today?

“It listens to me anyway. And Alexa.”

We laugh.

“Big Brother knows everything,

Haha”

We don’t think twice anymore, most of us, am I right? I’ve noticed the change in my own life.

Yet we put so much out there. Information, intimate moments, images we can’t take back. Emotions too.

Social media distracts us, and we lose concern (dare we admit). Sometimes it’s a risk. Likes and followers = validation, and people do almost anything for approval. A desire for flawless performance, or at least the image.

We want to say it’s the younger generation, but it’s all of us. And for teens, this is just what they know. It’s how growing up is.

But achieving a likable image is more complicated than it sounds. Have you noticed, there’s growing pressure to be “sex positive” today, and to post it? Accepting, celebrating, and expressing sexual diversity is becoming expected. Boundaries & morality, looked down on. A post with sex appeal draws the larger crowd.

It’s disheartening, right?

We aren’t gaining from all of this. Have you noticed, so much focus on desire is stirring confusion, and pain.

Boundaries protect us, and morale creates trust. With blurred lines, we struggle to connect, and live insecurely. A demise to everything we crave.

‘Listen to your gut’ they say. But even when something doesn’t feel right, too often we hardly know why. Internal compass can be tricky with social media. And it starts early.

I partnered up with Andy from The Secure Dad on this topic for parents. He shares here about a parent’s role. “While I had taught him to look both ways before crossing the street…I never thought to share with my young son that it isn’t okay to take a picture without your clothes on.” Can you relate?

As “mommy”, I used to read articles like “What your 9-year old should know before puberty” and “How to prepare for a teenager.” Now, just few years later, I’m reading articles like “What every high schooler needs” and “Things your teenager wants you to know.” (my heart…it’s going so fast!)

Five years ago, I don’t recall conversations about “nudes” on the parenting checklists. (naked images, traded for likes on screens.) But today, it’s a key conversation for health and well-being. (agh, right?)

There are kids, never having even kissed someone, giving away total privacy with little thought. Respect for one another’s bodies isn’t common anymore. Or modesty. And there’s consequence. Emotional, psychological, physiological.

What’s the solution?

Maybe it starts with a little more conversation.

Let’s talk about this, all of us. As people who share digital community, this is on everyone’s radar.

Let’s empower one another with kindness, support each other with reason, and choose a heart for what matters.

I did some research, and here are some things to consider when we post. I think each one is a conversation of its own. What do you think? Do you have more ideas to add?

Together We Thrive⭐️

13 Conversations | Photos and Privacy

Pedophilia, Creepers, and People Who Want to Hurt Others There are ill-intended people searching for content online. And when you share digitally, whatever it is, could end up in the wrong hands.

Blackmail, Revenge, and Threat People can use your photos against you. And for years to come. Trafficking and blackmail often begin online.

Facial Recognition and Forever Permanence Photos and screenshots, of anything, are immortal. Facial recognition and modern innovation make tracking a cinch. You can’t really disown what you put out there.

TMI for Mom, Dad, Grandma Grandpa, Employers, Colleges, and Career Pursuit Imagine anything you post, or text, or take a photo of, might one day end up on a billboard or in a magazine, maybe your mailbox. Anyone could one day view anything you capture.

Legal Consequences, Criminal Charges, Sexual Assault, or CPS involvement There’s actually a lot of legal responsibility with the possession of nudes. And there can easily be a lawsuit for sexual harassment these days. Also, what if you become president one day?;) Honestly though, there can be serious criminal charges with digital sharing.

Guilt, shame, and natural regret You were made to value intimacy, and desire relationship. Feelings of shame and regret are a natural response with too much sharing. This is why depression rates and anxiety are on the rise. Digital identity is a huge topic with mental health today.

A roadblock for Intimacy with the Love of Your Life One day, if not today, you may fall in love. And the past can stir up struggle with this, especially if it’s visually kept.

Endless Sharing, and Limitless Views Even if it’s not someone you know, you have zero control of who views the images and text you post. You do not own the pixelated past.

Bullying and Slut Shaming People can be mean. I hate it. You hate it. So don’t give them an open door to your heart.

With minors, nudes are considered child pornography It’s that whole legal thing again. But had to mention, specifically, for minors.

Negative Reputation and Loss of Relationships Some people will withdraw from others who post inappropriately. Also, some people will spread rumors. People know you by what you do, and what you say. Losing friends is a risk.

Pornography Addiction and Loss of Sexual Ability Images can be addicting. And pornography has physiological impact. If you have never heard that, please read about the science behind it.

Seared Conscience Finally, brain function is altered by what we do, and how we focus our time. Two verses speak clearly on this.

1 Corinthians 6:18 “Run away from sexual immorality. Every other sin that a person does is outside the body. But those who are sexually immoral sin against their own bodies.”

1 Timothy 4:2b ‘Men who cannot see what is right and what is wrong. It is as if their understanding were destroyed by a hot iron.’

So much information, I know. But hope this post meets you in a positive way.

Til next time, Together We Thrive~

Ayme

Words | Bullies | Courage

Yesterday my son told me about an incident at school.

There’s this group of kids, ‘the 5th grade “bullies’. The title is well-earned. They name-call, “stupid”, “b—ch”, , “gay”, etc., proclaim worthlessness of classmates, celebrate when words strike tears, and poke fun at authorities who intervene.

Well my guy has had enough of it. He noticed a classmate caught in the middle and stepped in to help. But when the noon aide approached the situation, he got in trouble too. All of them had to stand at a playground pole, in front of their peers for punishment.

I know, super unfair.

Why did they pay the same price!?

There was no evidence or bandage needed, and no proof of innocence or guilt. So the lunch aide was left dishing out consequences for everyone. Bullying doesn’t always leave physical wounds.

Freedom to speak cutting words is a “get out of jail free card” on the playground, and kids catch onto it quickly. Words go unnoticed too easily.

I’d barely made it to the car with my son before feeling the weight of his day on my chest. How did he get through the rest of the school day? These little souls are emotionally charged with relentless dark intention. — What ever caused all of this pain?

We’ve done this before as a family, sorted out tough situations with peers who pick fights. It sucks. It’s not easy. It’s emotional when your kid is facing stress at school.

‘Hurting people hurt people’ I reminded him. (He has brothers. The concept is easy to understand 🙂 We had a long talk. My kids aren’t perfect angels, and I’m not saying my son is a sort of pacifist all the time. But he really did the right thing here. I’m so proud of him!

I know, bullying is an ancient concern – but that doesn’t make a difference to new generations. Today, the added layer of cyber threat draws our attention. When kids get away with verbal force on the playground, they continue it with screens. They practice these habits online, and it is so destructive. Cyber bullying begins with the heart, and so does the solution.

Kids need assurance that their value is not subjective to someone’s words. Adults, we do too. We cannot give so much power to what other’s say.

Well I didn’t come to peace quickly about the day. My husband was away on a business trip, and dad is so good at sorting these things rationally. I was up past midnight, tossing and turning about the situation, praying and premeditating a conversation for the school office about why this is so common at the school…Will my son be the new target? Does the principal have a plan to deal with this next time?

I wrestle often with emotion for this system we’ve engaged, and how digital freedom plays its part. I ache for what kinds of things those boys will say in a year or two online, if not already. I ache for whoever crosses their paths. And I ache for them, for their hearts. Why are these little ones hurting so badly?

Times of weakness test our faith, and it’s a lesson I keep learning.

As we closed the day, I prayed. Lord, let this day impress my son with kindness and care toward others. Help him to value life of each and every person he meets, regardless of circumstances. Let these things be true with each of us, and our kids.

I’m so proud of my son’s courage. His choice to intervene was powerful, thoughtful, and meaningful. I hope he remembers what it felt like to stand up for what it right. I hope he will do it again.

Even when the system isn’t perfect, it is always worthwhile to stand up for what is right. This is the true act of loving a neighbor. This is what we were made for.

I encourage you to take time with your kids and speak truth to their hearts. There is so much peace that grows out of tough conversations. We want to protect them from life’s challenges, but how much greater is it to send them forward with love?

‘Use wisdom, and it will take care of you. Love wisdom, and it will keep you safe.” {Proverbs 4} Navigate conversations with living word. No one can protect our kids like the one who created them.

As always, thank you for joining here~ Together We Thrive!

Ayme

Digital Freedom {A Parent’s Role}

What ruins a garden left alone?

Weeds

Yep.

They steal nutrients from other plants, creating relentless battle for survival. — And if the annoying little things aren’t pulled, a harvest eventually fails. Crazy huh, when you stop to think about it!

Where do ‘weeds’ take root in your life, and your kids?

Technology is 21st Century’s “soil”. We hear about weed-like behavior online, and it’s only growing.

Today, parents are digital farmers. (Are you following me? 🙂 Take away the family cow and the tractor, you and I have land to tend. — Your kid’s life is a thriving pasture, and negative influences are weeds. ‘Farming’ is a daily thing, and requires more than surface care. Whether or not kids have a phone, digital opportunity is all around; this conversation is for all of us.

You are a ‘digital farmer’.

What kind of labor are you willing to put in here?

The simple fact is this. You know your kids best, their strengths and weaknesses. You are the best farmer for this. So pull the weeds. Do whatever it takes.

The idea that kids need less parenting with age, less time, — it’s not true! Your kids need more of you! They need your commitment. They need your concern. They need your intentional presence. They need B O U N D A R I E S ! — They just need especially gentle tone with delivery.

(I’m learning this with crazy speed, bumps, and bruises. None of us are alone here!)

How can I offer independence, without loosing too much grip? What is overstep when it comes to privacy? I want to respect my teen, and I don’t want to push them away.

Amen to all of that. Here are some tidbits I’ve gathered in my research, and written down. Hope they rest well with you too!

  • Digital support is just one role of parenting, and digital freedom is just one part of teenage independence. Don’t let digital independence define your kid’s judgement of freedom. Do our kids realize how good they have it!? What is their world view? (That’s a whole other post 🙂

  • Screen presence does not define a person’s value. Every one of us is created with purpose. How is technology supporting this? Friends should not be limited to screen engagement, and social media is just one way to connect, etc. Put security in the right things.

  • The Internet is never private. Screenshots and social networking make everything permanent. Everything you say and do online can be saved and shared, forever. (For me, for you, for every single person.)

  • Use passwords to protect, not to liberate. Passwords aren’t for privacy between parent and child. Password privacy is ultimate freedom! When your kids have password control, they are free to explore wherever they please.(Temptation will arise, no matter how trusting your kids are!)

  • Teenagers want to be heard. Listen before you speak, and they will be quicker to hear you out. (Eek, so convicting for me. Slow down, and listen ~)

  • Set clear boundaries. Stick to them. And review them often. Kids like to know what’s expected of them.

  • L O V E  ~  T H E M  ~  F I E R C E L Y  (Spend time. Communicate. Accept. Support. Be available. Know them. Know their friends and their interests.)

  • Be thoughtful. “You are what you think.”

  • Build on the positive. Help your kids see that you are “for them” and not against them, especially when things don’t go their way. (Disappointments will come. Offer hope as a shield. What is their anchor when things go awry?)

  • Don’t battle for supremacy. So many times a battle for independence can blind our focus on what matters most. When we parent for their good, not our own, perspective is right. (Another note to self!)

  • Pull you own weeds too. Examples often speak louder than words.

What would you add to this? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please share. Let this be a community of support.

Together we T H R I V E ~

Til next time!

~ Ayme

Digital Summer for Families

You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em

Know when to fold ‘em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run ~

Ah, Kenny Rogers…so wise 😉 

Parents/caretakers, you and I hold similar cards with “screen time, ” and we’re all-in (like it or not). Digital life is definitely a part of summer fun, & something worth planning for. Are you ready!?

As kids grow more independent and capable, assertive in their own right, every season looks different from the previous, and this conversation does too. I’m learning my way through tween-&-teenage years right now, and digital independence is a hot topic in our home. Shared perspective isn’t very easy at this stage. (not that it ever really was…but sometimes I think we need an interpreter. Ha, just kidding {?} Anyone relate? 🙂

Screen bargaining makes for a stressful home, so we need clarity from the start. With that said, I’ve come up with a few ideas (sharing here for comradery). Thinking it through was my first step. I’d love to hear your thoughts. What works for you?

Create a plan.

It’s going to be worthwhile. In your home, what are everyone’s

thoughts about healthy boundaries with technology?

Communicate the plan and Commit.

Our kids and everyone who is going to be taking care of them should have clear expectations this summer. (Surprises aren’t fun when it comes to this.)

Support the plan.

What are the consequences if boundaries are crossed? Are you going to give more

time or freedom for chores or other things?

4 Steps to a Safe Digital Summer || F A M I L I E S

Digital Freedom | Apps | Downloads | Media

(Saying yes, no, and maybe so…)

  • What kinds of digital activity are you allowing for your kids? Why?

  • How do your kids ask for new apps or games? (Can they approve downloads themselves, or do you talk about it first?)

  • What filters/screen-monitoring do you have in place?

  • Do you have strong passwords for the internet, Youtube, and other social media?

  • How much time is given to gaming vs. productivity when they are on screens? (Technology can be advantageous in so many ways. That’s easy to forget when you’re young and free of commitments.)

  • What kinds of purposeful things can technology be used for this summer? (What are your kids interested in? What kind of apps do they want to download? Is there a real-life skill they could be building on here? Summer is a good time to get to know each other better and encourage individuality.)

Technology At Home

(ClearExpectations)

  • What kind of time restrictions do you have for screen use? Or –‘’What is the goal?” might be the better question. (I know it is for me.)

  • Can your kids earn more time, or less, based on attitude or helpfulness? (This sounds like some kind of Pinterest idea that I never got to when my kids were younger. The charts and stickers and all of that was intimidating to keep up with. Why does it have to be so elaborate? It doesn’t!)

  • How are expectations at home communicated? (Do or don’t do a chart. We’re all different. What works for you?)

  • Where do devices go when they aren’t in use? Do you have a charging station or something like that?

  • A written plan | “Technology Contract”  I’ve always thought the idea of a family contract for screens is a good idea. It’s never too late to start! Instead of being discouraged that we never did, our family’s going to begin this summer. There are a ton of ideas for how to do this. {I’ll be posting mine on the blog soon! – because that’s my accountability to get it done.} Do you have one for your family?

Technology Away From Home

(Trust, Limits, & Reason)

  • What kind of networking are your kids doing when they are with friends, a team, or other childcare?

  • Have you communicated internet safety enough with your kids? Do they know when something isn’t safe or appropriate? (With so many different family values and spectrum of choices, what kind of foundation do they stand on?

*Sleepovers are a big part of this. I’ve read plenty of articles, even one is enough, about first time & ongoing exposure to pornography, pedophilia, or bullying at sleepovers. When we send our kids off to stay with someone else, there needs to be peace of mind here! I felt really inspired after reading this post by Monica Swanson. I’m working on some ideas for our family in this area. Communication between parents is a super big must.

Technology Role Modeling

(Actions vs. Words)

It’s one thing to set limits for the kids, but how about us? Eek. I’m so convicted. Can I shut it all off in a moment’s notice? We’re telling our kids to get outside and curbing their screen habits, but what about ours? In a perfect world, I’d be self-controlled here. I’d set aside limited time each day for technology. I think we all would.

Our kids will be watching us this summer, taking cues about how we manage time. (It’s honestly one of the greatest challenges for me as a parent.) But that’s not a bad thing. It’s ok when our kids see us struggle here. Maybe it gives them a chance to support us too!

I know that having a plan for all of this is going to make summer a lot more fun, and that’s what it’s all about! Counting down the days now:)

As always, thank you for joining here!

Together we thrive~

Ayme

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