Before We Homeschool Our QuaranTeens & Kids

A note to parents who are feeling pressure to homeschool right now.

Call me crazy. It’s Thursday, 4 days into quarantine, and academic progress is really the last thing I’m pushing on our kids. (What, Ayme, aren’t you a teacher? Doesn’t your family already homeschool?) Public, private, charter, home school, whatever you do — I’m pretty confident a break is totally ok right now! Because, give me a sec.

A few days away from grade-level learning isn’t a matter of survival. There’s a reason for putting the oxygen mask on yourself before helping someone else. What happens to a dependent if their support fails? Self care is critical, and it’s not selfish. Get grounded. youcannothelpsomeoneelseifyoureweak

I’ll be honest I was needing some personal space and care before all of this, so everything right now is icing on the cake. (I’m pretty sure that’s a lot of us.)

Have you ever appreciated coffee and whipped cream so much!

Hey. Moms, Dads, Everyone. It-is-O-K to tread lightly for a minute. A handful of days without school structure…it’s ok. And what else — have we ever needed such a minute to gather our thoughts! Can we please gain perspective before shifting daily habits, be it homeschool or something else.

I just took a couple of days off, and here I go – like a boss. No, please, are you serious?!

Is anyone feeling stress-free right now? What’s your secret!?

But a few unstructured days have me feeling slightly less dizzy. So that helps! Here are 4 ideas I’ve been thinking about, as we create new routines and normalcy at home. And I’m curious what you’d add? 

Check Your Needs What are the needs of each member in my home? – How can I make sure each person’s needs are met (including mine)?

  • Space – emotional and physical
  • Accepting each other’s perspectives – don’t expect everyone to handle this the same
  • Attention
  • Time and connection
  • Freedom to create
  • Freedom with time management
  • Boundaries with technology
  • Regular schedule and routine
  • Acceptance 
  • Encouragement
  • What else?

Use This Time to Grow How can each family member grow spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally during this time? (soul-body-mind-heart) Can each of us have one goal with these areas to focus on every day?

  • Soul What is feeding your soul? Are you growing closer to God in this time? As Christians, we read the Bible and pray because we believe the Holy Spirit protects us. And God gives us what we need. We need peace, joy, love, patience, goodness, kindness, self-control, gentleness, faithfulness, all more than ever right now!
  • Body Nutrition and exercise are so important, all the time. And what other ways do you take care of yourself? 
  • Mind Are you reading something right now? What are you focusing on that’s true and good, lovely and right? Are you growing your mind to learn new things?
  • Heart Empathy and compassion grow with practice and intention, right? How are you keeping a soft heart when your world is flipped around?

Give and Be Selfless

What does selflessness look like right now? It might be sending a text, or a phone call. Maybe it’s giving food or other items to neighbors. Maybe it’s supporting an effort in your local area. Yes, giving to others is so needed right now. And especially in our own homes. How are we giving selflessly to one another right now, in our home? Be peace, be love, be joy, be patient, be kind, be gentle. This.is.hard.

Be Sure to Rest

What part of the day can be set aside without expectation? To me, rest is disengagement from all influence and structure. It means a total break from technology, accomplishment, and expectation. It means journaling, creating, and walking leisurely. For me, rest sometimes means closing my eyes in a quiet room, lighting a candle, painting, cleaning something just because I feel like it, putting flowers in vases, repotting a plant, daydreaming. What does it look like for you?

I want to look back on this season and smile. I want to create memories of hope and love, peace and certainty, don’t you?

Hugs to you and yours — from 6 feet away, of course.

Together We Thrive!
~Ayme

13 Conversations | Photos and Privacy

What is privacy worth today?

“It listens to me anyway. And Alexa.”

We laugh.

“Big Brother knows everything,

Haha”

We don’t think twice anymore, most of us, am I right? I’ve noticed the change in my own life.

Yet we put so much out there. Information, intimate moments, images we can’t take back. Emotions too.

Social media distracts us, and we lose concern (dare we admit). Sometimes it’s a risk. Likes and followers = validation, and people do almost anything for approval. A desire for flawless performance, or at least the image.

We want to say it’s the younger generation, but it’s all of us. And for teens, this is just what they know. It’s how growing up is.

But achieving a likable image is more complicated than it sounds. Have you noticed, there’s growing pressure to be “sex positive” today, and to post it? Accepting, celebrating, and expressing sexual diversity is becoming expected. Boundaries & morality, looked down on. A post with sex appeal draws the larger crowd.

It’s disheartening, right?

We aren’t gaining from all of this. Have you noticed, so much focus on desire is stirring confusion, and pain.

Boundaries protect us, and morale creates trust. With blurred lines, we struggle to connect, and live insecurely. A demise to everything we crave.

‘Listen to your gut’ they say. But even when something doesn’t feel right, too often we hardly know why. Internal compass can be tricky with social media. And it starts early.

I partnered up with Andy from The Secure Dad on this topic for parents. He shares here about a parent’s role. “While I had taught him to look both ways before crossing the street…I never thought to share with my young son that it isn’t okay to take a picture without your clothes on.” Can you relate?

As “mommy”, I used to read articles like “What your 9-year old should know before puberty” and “How to prepare for a teenager.” Now, just few years later, I’m reading articles like “What every high schooler needs” and “Things your teenager wants you to know.” (my heart…it’s going so fast!)

Five years ago, I don’t recall conversations about “nudes” on the parenting checklists. (naked images, traded for likes on screens.) But today, it’s a key conversation for health and well-being. (agh, right?)

There are kids, never having even kissed someone, giving away total privacy with little thought. Respect for one another’s bodies isn’t common anymore. Or modesty. And there’s consequence. Emotional, psychological, physiological.

What’s the solution?

Maybe it starts with a little more conversation.

Let’s talk about this, all of us. As people who share digital community, this is on everyone’s radar.

Let’s empower one another with kindness, support each other with reason, and choose a heart for what matters.

I did some research, and here are some things to consider when we post. I think each one is a conversation of its own. What do you think? Do you have more ideas to add?

Together We Thrive⭐️

13 Conversations | Photos and Privacy

Pedophilia, Creepers, and People Who Want to Hurt Others There are ill-intended people searching for content online. And when you share digitally, whatever it is, could end up in the wrong hands.

Blackmail, Revenge, and Threat People can use your photos against you. And for years to come. Trafficking and blackmail often begin online.

Facial Recognition and Forever Permanence Photos and screenshots, of anything, are immortal. Facial recognition and modern innovation make tracking a cinch. You can’t really disown what you put out there.

TMI for Mom, Dad, Grandma Grandpa, Employers, Colleges, and Career Pursuit Imagine anything you post, or text, or take a photo of, might one day end up on a billboard or in a magazine, maybe your mailbox. Anyone could one day view anything you capture.

Legal Consequences, Criminal Charges, Sexual Assault, or CPS involvement There’s actually a lot of legal responsibility with the possession of nudes. And there can easily be a lawsuit for sexual harassment these days. Also, what if you become president one day?;) Honestly though, there can be serious criminal charges with digital sharing.

Guilt, shame, and natural regret You were made to value intimacy, and desire relationship. Feelings of shame and regret are a natural response with too much sharing. This is why depression rates and anxiety are on the rise. Digital identity is a huge topic with mental health today.

A roadblock for Intimacy with the Love of Your Life One day, if not today, you may fall in love. And the past can stir up struggle with this, especially if it’s visually kept.

Endless Sharing, and Limitless Views Even if it’s not someone you know, you have zero control of who views the images and text you post. You do not own the pixelated past.

Bullying and Slut Shaming People can be mean. I hate it. You hate it. So don’t give them an open door to your heart.

With minors, nudes are considered child pornography It’s that whole legal thing again. But had to mention, specifically, for minors.

Negative Reputation and Loss of Relationships Some people will withdraw from others who post inappropriately. Also, some people will spread rumors. People know you by what you do, and what you say. Losing friends is a risk.

Pornography Addiction and Loss of Sexual Ability Images can be addicting. And pornography has physiological impact. If you have never heard that, please read about the science behind it.

Seared Conscience Finally, brain function is altered by what we do, and how we focus our time. Two verses speak clearly on this.

1 Corinthians 6:18 “Run away from sexual immorality. Every other sin that a person does is outside the body. But those who are sexually immoral sin against their own bodies.”

1 Timothy 4:2b ‘Men who cannot see what is right and what is wrong. It is as if their understanding were destroyed by a hot iron.’

So much information, I know. But hope this post meets you in a positive way.

Til next time, Together We Thrive~

Ayme

Kids n Technology

“I sent my 10-year old daughter to a sleepover, and they watched YouTube videos the entire time!” A friend shared her frustration. ‘Aren’t little girls supposed to be telling stories and painting nails?’

We sat together, four moms,in a rare conversation…each with a similar story, an emotional thread to contribute. I don’t have a daughter, but it’s the same with boys. 

Screen freedom at social gatherings is a much bigger deal than anyone likes to make it. Do you agree?

When kids hang out, are we curious enough about their technology? For the sake of innocence, and guarded for their path, we have to be. What do they see? What do they share? What fills their minds? And how is it affecting them?

A parent can never fully retrace their child’s experience online. It’s just not really possible. 

We all know, there’s so much to consider when it comes to social media and screens. Cyberbullying, social media pranks or dares, explicit sexual content, fake identity, pressure to participate, “nudes” (as kids are calling them), etc. — Morale is challenged at every turn, and it’s taking a toll on us, on our kids, and their friends.

With just one click, people are forever changed by these little devices. And it’s happening daily.

So what do we do?

I don’t want to go ‘there’ without some kind of resolution.

Do you?

We have to communicate as parents…carefully and honestly. This is a new role for me, and maybe for you too. These are some ideas to think about, and I wonder if you agree. (Also, I’m just beginning to try these things out & know it’s not going to be easy!)

6 Considerations When Talking with Other Parents |Kids & Technology

  • Boundaries~ Decide and communicate them as a family, before expecting anything somewhere else.

  • Respect~ Without concern for one another, a conversation about the kids and devices is a lost cause. If a parent doesn’t show care for another’s values, maybe the kids should keep some distance. It’s not that everyone has to agree, but there should be respect for each other’s boundaries.

  • Clear Communication about Expectations ~ This is the tricky one. I mean, it really calls us out of the comfort zone. And personally, I have a lot of growing to do here. If our kids share technology with someone else’s, there has to be an exchange between parents about the details. (Agh, it’s even hard to say that out loud. This isn’t something anyone really does, at least not in my circle.) Here are some things we should agree on~

  • Movie Ratings

  • Internet Access

  • YouTube Viewing

  • Social Media Availability

  • Location of Screens in the Home

  • Time limits or Restraints (esp. at a sleepover)

  • TV Accessibility

  • Video Game Approval

  • Ability to Download or Delete Apps

  • The Possibility of Removing Technology Altogether for the Event

  • Sacrifice for Differences ~ There will be differences. There might be a few, or there might be a lot, but families rarely share exact standards. And if we agree to let our kids hang out with someone else’s, everyone has to feel comfortable. It might take some sacrifice (for our kids and for us).
  • Accountability Assurance~ After expectations are spoken, what kind of monitoring will take place? How will I keep an eye on all of this in my home, and how will they…in theirs.
  • Trust or Distance ~ If we’ve come this far, and still don’t trust a situation for our child (children), distance might be needed. How very difficult this is, we need confidence for their protection.In this season, we’re stunned by the need to speak up. It is so.not.easy. Would you add anything to add to this list?

Join the Conversation~Together We Thrive!

Ayme

Digital Freedom {A Parent’s Role}

What ruins a garden left alone?

Weeds

Yep.

They steal nutrients from other plants, creating relentless battle for survival. — And if the annoying little things aren’t pulled, a harvest eventually fails. Crazy huh, when you stop to think about it!

Where do ‘weeds’ take root in your life, and your kids?

Technology is 21st Century’s “soil”. We hear about weed-like behavior online, and it’s only growing.

Today, parents are digital farmers. (Are you following me? 🙂 Take away the family cow and the tractor, you and I have land to tend. — Your kid’s life is a thriving pasture, and negative influences are weeds. ‘Farming’ is a daily thing, and requires more than surface care. Whether or not kids have a phone, digital opportunity is all around; this conversation is for all of us.

You are a ‘digital farmer’.

What kind of labor are you willing to put in here?

The simple fact is this. You know your kids best, their strengths and weaknesses. You are the best farmer for this. So pull the weeds. Do whatever it takes.

The idea that kids need less parenting with age, less time, — it’s not true! Your kids need more of you! They need your commitment. They need your concern. They need your intentional presence. They need B O U N D A R I E S ! — They just need especially gentle tone with delivery.

(I’m learning this with crazy speed, bumps, and bruises. None of us are alone here!)

How can I offer independence, without loosing too much grip? What is overstep when it comes to privacy? I want to respect my teen, and I don’t want to push them away.

Amen to all of that. Here are some tidbits I’ve gathered in my research, and written down. Hope they rest well with you too!

  • Digital support is just one role of parenting, and digital freedom is just one part of teenage independence. Don’t let digital independence define your kid’s judgement of freedom. Do our kids realize how good they have it!? What is their world view? (That’s a whole other post 🙂

  • Screen presence does not define a person’s value. Every one of us is created with purpose. How is technology supporting this? Friends should not be limited to screen engagement, and social media is just one way to connect, etc. Put security in the right things.

  • The Internet is never private. Screenshots and social networking make everything permanent. Everything you say and do online can be saved and shared, forever. (For me, for you, for every single person.)

  • Use passwords to protect, not to liberate. Passwords aren’t for privacy between parent and child. Password privacy is ultimate freedom! When your kids have password control, they are free to explore wherever they please.(Temptation will arise, no matter how trusting your kids are!)

  • Teenagers want to be heard. Listen before you speak, and they will be quicker to hear you out. (Eek, so convicting for me. Slow down, and listen ~)

  • Set clear boundaries. Stick to them. And review them often. Kids like to know what’s expected of them.

  • L O V E  ~  T H E M  ~  F I E R C E L Y  (Spend time. Communicate. Accept. Support. Be available. Know them. Know their friends and their interests.)

  • Be thoughtful. “You are what you think.”

  • Build on the positive. Help your kids see that you are “for them” and not against them, especially when things don’t go their way. (Disappointments will come. Offer hope as a shield. What is their anchor when things go awry?)

  • Don’t battle for supremacy. So many times a battle for independence can blind our focus on what matters most. When we parent for their good, not our own, perspective is right. (Another note to self!)

  • Pull you own weeds too. Examples often speak louder than words.

What would you add to this? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please share. Let this be a community of support.

Together we T H R I V E ~

Til next time!

~ Ayme