Tag: online identity

Parenting Our Digital Teens

Do you have teenagers? We should talk. How are you – how’s it goin these days? We pass each other, and sometimes I just want to stop for a bear hug! Don’t you? Because we share a lot of the same:)

Raising digital teenagers is twice the challenge. Love, be kind, encourage.

Raising double digit kids. This mix of sentiment, comedy, hustle, and joy, challenge and fear. I can honestly say it’s the most emotional season I’ve tackled as a mom.

Not just because they’re growing up, all the inevitable. But this heart-wrenching desire to prepare them for all of everything that’s out there, in a small bit of time. And protect them, because consequences today, you know. And I love them. So. Much!

Parents have said this for generations, and every 20 years brings on a new challenge. But things really are different today. Effects with technology are grandiose. Yes, there are definitely benefits. But we can’t deny the risks. Exploitation of identity, a single bad choice or mistake. One simple moment might become public, or viral.

Before now, parents never dealt with the dark hidden pain of cyberbullying. Today, there are kids with addiction and trauma, like never before. Access to things like videos of sex and suicide create deep wounds. Today’s kids face risks of sextortion and trafficking with one click of a button. God knows everything else I won’t mention.

When someone argues with me that it’s no different today, I literally bite my tongue. Please don’t be ignorant to what has evolved. Today’s parents have overtime, 7 days a week.

Screens make the role twice a challenge for us. Digital identity, documented moments, and the effects of screen time infiltrate each layer of existence. And none of us really understand where it’s headed.

*Darn* this digital tightrope we’re on!

Hey, I know it’s not the easiest conversation. Digital parenting is a tangled chat. The topic creates tension. It makes us super vulnerable to a judgy response or insecure with where we’re headed. Also, it’s not really the best date night topic. Or one for a road trip, because teenagers don’t really nap anymore;)

Maybe you’re lucky to have a friend on the same page. Let’s count that one of life’s most beautiful gifts. (Yes!) Maybe you’re new to the game, or I lost you with the mention of “screens” because your kids don’t have phones. – Yet.

It doesn’t really matter. This is life today. Moms, Dads, we’re in this, together. What are you doing about it? Here are 5 things I’m working on over here. What would you add?

Keep My Heart in Check. Stay soft and moldable.

Choose Thankfulness as a Boundary for My Mind. Always find something to be thankful for. (even when it’s not easy) Replace fear with truth, and doubt with gratitude. For what is, and what is to come.

Love Fiercely, Selflessly. Give My Kids a Chance to Know My Heart for Them. Digital parenting isn’t a game. And no one wins with a power struggle. It’s not about being right or wrong. They’ll make mistakes. I will too. Heart-centered wins!

Admit My Hopes and Uncertainties. It’s good for our kids to know we don’t have it all figured out. That’s being honest.

Bring Wisdom to the Table. Every. Chance. Technology is changing all the time, still that doesn’t make us weak. Put on truth, love, faith, peace. (Ephesians 6)

Let’s pass by each other warmly. Greet each other kindly. Love each other prayerfully. I hope at least one parent out there feels the encouragement! There is hope for every generation, yes that means ours! ~

Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His. We are his people. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name ~ For the Lord is good. His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 100

Together We Thrive!

~Ayme

Technology | DIY Freedom

 

Pros and cons with internet connection leave me unsettled. How about you? It’s not “if” we need discretion, but how and why, and when. “Hoping for the best” doesn’t pan out; there’s too much to consider. But I refuse to dwell in fear. How do you feel about it all?

Most of us, especially if you’re in on this conversation, are trying to figure out some kind of balance with technology. And however deliberate, we approach it with one of three ways: Avoidance (limiting exposure), Acceptance (living in the moment), or Accommodation (a combination of both). Bluntly, we either dodge it, ignore it, or engage it.

It’s a juggling act, right? A fine balance of awareness and limitation, advantage lies with fierce commitment to boundaries, freedom, and constant communication. Without these things, we fall complacent to ‘accept’ whatever lands on our doorstep.

This is all reallyhumbling.The ebb and flow for independence still requires more. It calls for a willing heart. Character is a choice, the key to all of it.

So, the question is really this.How do we encourage strong character?

DIY Positive Online Character

Could it be so easy!?

Here are some ideas for inspiring strong character with technology freedom in our homes, including (a parenting perspective).

Determine the Goal:(Independence and Self-regulation. Do our kids understand that the choices they make directly effect their future? What they do is a reflection of who they are, not us. All of this is focused toward autonomy, and we want the best things in life for them. The tricky part is trying to keep that in mind when it’s hectic.)

Determine Reasoning: Why is this the goal?(Our kids are just years away from becoming adults! Like I said, we want the best for their future. But since they’re still kids, what’s the short-term plan? This is where it gets crazy. “Mom, can I get this app?” “Can I watch Youtube?” “I want to get this game.” You know the plea bargaining, — everyone’s kids are doing it. ‘I want more…I want more.’ It’s how we’re wired and it’s how technology is moving. For us, this is where boundaries are a lifeline for reasoning.)

Design Boundaries / Consider the Consequences:(If we can’t discuss the consequences, we can’t allow opportunity. In other words, unless consequences are age-appropriate / something we’re comfortable explaining, it has to be a definite “no.” Everything else can be opportunity for learning. Well, sort of. You know the boundaries I was talking about? They’re different for each of my kids. But no matter what, technology is a privilege. The ability to have a phone, create passwords, download apps, use the internet, all of it — it’s our gift to them. It’s a ‘gift that keeps on giving.’ Seriously though…it is. Regardless of all efforts, an attitude of expectation totally sinks their boat. Expectation halts the gifting.)

Create accountability.(This is the big part. Accountability is built on a relationship with trust and respect. Each of our kids has unique needs, strengths, and weaknesses. Accountability looks different for each one. Our job is to meet them where they are at. We have to pay attention and stay aware. It’s not easy, at all. In addition, we can’t be ignorant to temptation. Even as we work toward trusting relationships, it’s only logical to limit what’s on the plate. We have to set some kind of restrictions. For my family, these have grown to include internet filtering, time and password limits, and other restrictions that manage ratings and content. What kind of limits work for you, for your family?)

Age and experience do not define us. Online identity is powerful.

Every day is a new beginning! Be determined for this, no matter where you are at.

I often wonder, what would it have been like to raise kids 20 years ago? Does every generation feel like their dilemmas are the hardest? When I wish for a manual on modern revolution, I have to remember that it all falls back on the heart. And since the beginning of creation, that has always been. I’m thankful for my faith and the power that prayer has in my life. I don’t center posts around this, sensitive that there are many beliefs. But for me, my faith in God is the greatest source of peace I can ever find.

Together We Thrive!

Ayme