Justice Isn’t a Feeling.

2020.

Friends, if we don’t agree on things right now, are you ok with it? Because there’s so much division lately, and I don’t want to get lost in conversations that build walls between us. Do you?

Backlash in opposing views is oppressive, and lot of us would rather walk on eggshells not to offend each other, or hurt relationships. But is peacemaking genuine with suppressed conviction and lack of reciprocation? What do you think?

I’ve wrestled with so many posts online since Covid hit. I know, it would be easy to just delete or mute feeds. But I’d like to tell my friends, even when we disagree, I want to understand your heart and why you believe that way. What motivates you? I’d like to talk about it, kindly.

However you feel towards politics, the pandemic, social distancing, and everything going on, I’m sure your opinion is only growing stronger (mine is too). So tell me this. As our world struggles with injustice, what are you doing about it? I’m asking myself the same. 

But it isn’t really an easy conversation. Today’s evolving definition of ‘justice’ has everyone on edge. Feelings have become the modern scale for what’s right and wrong, and it’s a total mess! Because if mine and yours are opposite, and opinions are the premise for order, there’s no resolve. Do you agree – we need a code of ethics, universal morale. (Psalm 19:7-10 gives me hope.)

Look at it through the lens of online culture. Consequences of social media have become obvious (lest you live in a cave). Sure there are a lot of positives, but a lot of risk too. Everything we view online impresses our minds.

Have you ever seen something you regretted, and then wondered how the heck it came across your feed? — How many of us watched the final moments of a man named George Floyd? I’d never seen anyone die before until I saw that video, did you? Someone thought it was ok to post, how is that ok?!

But when this becomes acceptable, we lose grip with empathy. And then, does it really matter what we post? I mean, if you think it’s funny, doesn’t that make it ok? It’s just a picture, just a video. What even is cyberbullying then? Just a feeling?

Unrestricted social media is shaping minds, often robbing innocence, even deafening hearts. But is that just an opinion?

If you’re still reading here, I think you agree that we need something better. We need justice warriors who crusade with love, respect, and esteem for others. Whether we agree or not, love wins. Love is what ultimately saves our world. 

So before putting up a fight, let’s be sure our actions do not thrive on the derailment of someone or something else. Instead, lean into the outcome of what we hope to achieve. Think on what is true. Focus on the solution. Justice isn’t a feeling.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, pure, and lovely, and admirable.” (Philippians 4:8)

Together We Thrive!
-Ayme

Parenting Our Digital Teens

Do you have teenagers? We should talk. How are you – how’s it goin these days? We pass each other, and sometimes I just want to stop for a bear hug! Don’t you? Because we share a lot of the same:)

Raising digital teenagers is twice the challenge. Love, be kind, encourage.

Raising double digit kids. This mix of sentiment, comedy, hustle, and joy, challenge and fear. I can honestly say it’s the most emotional season I’ve tackled as a mom.

Not just because they’re growing up, all the inevitable. But this heart-wrenching desire to prepare them for all of everything that’s out there, in a small bit of time. And protect them, because consequences today, you know. And I love them. So. Much!

Parents have said this for generations, and every 20 years brings on a new challenge. But things really are different today. Effects with technology are grandiose. Yes, there are definitely benefits. But we can’t deny the risks. Exploitation of identity, a single bad choice or mistake. One simple moment might become public, or viral.

Before now, parents never dealt with the dark hidden pain of cyberbullying. Today, there are kids with addiction and trauma, like never before. Access to things like videos of sex and suicide create deep wounds. Today’s kids face risks of sextortion and trafficking with one click of a button. God knows everything else I won’t mention.

When someone argues with me that it’s no different today, I literally bite my tongue. Please don’t be ignorant to what has evolved. Today’s parents have overtime, 7 days a week.

Screens make the role twice a challenge for us. Digital identity, documented moments, and the effects of screen time infiltrate each layer of existence. And none of us really understand where it’s headed.

*Darn* this digital tightrope we’re on!

Hey, I know it’s not the easiest conversation. Digital parenting is a tangled chat. The topic creates tension. It makes us super vulnerable to a judgy response or insecure with where we’re headed. Also, it’s not really the best date night topic. Or one for a road trip, because teenagers don’t really nap anymore;)

Maybe you’re lucky to have a friend on the same page. Let’s count that one of life’s most beautiful gifts. (Yes!) Maybe you’re new to the game, or I lost you with the mention of “screens” because your kids don’t have phones. – Yet.

It doesn’t really matter. This is life today. Moms, Dads, we’re in this, together. What are you doing about it? Here are 5 things I’m working on over here. What would you add?

Keep My Heart in Check. Stay soft and moldable.

Choose Thankfulness as a Boundary for My Mind. Always find something to be thankful for. (even when it’s not easy) Replace fear with truth, and doubt with gratitude. For what is, and what is to come.

Love Fiercely, Selflessly. Give My Kids a Chance to Know My Heart for Them. Digital parenting isn’t a game. And no one wins with a power struggle. It’s not about being right or wrong. They’ll make mistakes. I will too. Heart-centered wins!

Admit My Hopes and Uncertainties. It’s good for our kids to know we don’t have it all figured out. That’s being honest.

Bring Wisdom to the Table. Every. Chance. Technology is changing all the time, still that doesn’t make us weak. Put on truth, love, faith, peace. (Ephesians 6)

Let’s pass by each other warmly. Greet each other kindly. Love each other prayerfully. I hope at least one parent out there feels the encouragement! There is hope for every generation, yes that means ours! ~

Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His. We are his people. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name ~ For the Lord is good. His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 100

Together We Thrive!

~Ayme

13 Conversations | Photos and Privacy

What is privacy worth today?

“It listens to me anyway. And Alexa.”

We laugh.

“Big Brother knows everything,

Haha”

We don’t think twice anymore, most of us, am I right? I’ve noticed the change in my own life.

Yet we put so much out there. Information, intimate moments, images we can’t take back. Emotions too.

Social media distracts us, and we lose concern (dare we admit). Sometimes it’s a risk. Likes and followers = validation, and people do almost anything for approval. A desire for flawless performance, or at least the image.

We want to say it’s the younger generation, but it’s all of us. And for teens, this is just what they know. It’s how growing up is.

But achieving a likable image is more complicated than it sounds. Have you noticed, there’s growing pressure to be “sex positive” today, and to post it? Accepting, celebrating, and expressing sexual diversity is becoming expected. Boundaries & morality, looked down on. A post with sex appeal draws the larger crowd.

It’s disheartening, right?

We aren’t gaining from all of this. Have you noticed, so much focus on desire is stirring confusion, and pain.

Boundaries protect us, and morale creates trust. With blurred lines, we struggle to connect, and live insecurely. A demise to everything we crave.

‘Listen to your gut’ they say. But even when something doesn’t feel right, too often we hardly know why. Internal compass can be tricky with social media. And it starts early.

I partnered up with Andy from The Secure Dad on this topic for parents. He shares here about a parent’s role. “While I had taught him to look both ways before crossing the street…I never thought to share with my young son that it isn’t okay to take a picture without your clothes on.” Can you relate?

As “mommy”, I used to read articles like “What your 9-year old should know before puberty” and “How to prepare for a teenager.” Now, just few years later, I’m reading articles like “What every high schooler needs” and “Things your teenager wants you to know.” (my heart…it’s going so fast!)

Five years ago, I don’t recall conversations about “nudes” on the parenting checklists. (naked images, traded for likes on screens.) But today, it’s a key conversation for health and well-being. (agh, right?)

There are kids, never having even kissed someone, giving away total privacy with little thought. Respect for one another’s bodies isn’t common anymore. Or modesty. And there’s consequence. Emotional, psychological, physiological.

What’s the solution?

Maybe it starts with a little more conversation.

Let’s talk about this, all of us. As people who share digital community, this is on everyone’s radar.

Let’s empower one another with kindness, support each other with reason, and choose a heart for what matters.

I did some research, and here are some things to consider when we post. I think each one is a conversation of its own. What do you think? Do you have more ideas to add?

Together We Thrive⭐️

13 Conversations | Photos and Privacy

Pedophilia, Creepers, and People Who Want to Hurt Others There are ill-intended people searching for content online. And when you share digitally, whatever it is, could end up in the wrong hands.

Blackmail, Revenge, and Threat People can use your photos against you. And for years to come. Trafficking and blackmail often begin online.

Facial Recognition and Forever Permanence Photos and screenshots, of anything, are immortal. Facial recognition and modern innovation make tracking a cinch. You can’t really disown what you put out there.

TMI for Mom, Dad, Grandma Grandpa, Employers, Colleges, and Career Pursuit Imagine anything you post, or text, or take a photo of, might one day end up on a billboard or in a magazine, maybe your mailbox. Anyone could one day view anything you capture.

Legal Consequences, Criminal Charges, Sexual Assault, or CPS involvement There’s actually a lot of legal responsibility with the possession of nudes. And there can easily be a lawsuit for sexual harassment these days. Also, what if you become president one day?;) Honestly though, there can be serious criminal charges with digital sharing.

Guilt, shame, and natural regret You were made to value intimacy, and desire relationship. Feelings of shame and regret are a natural response with too much sharing. This is why depression rates and anxiety are on the rise. Digital identity is a huge topic with mental health today.

A roadblock for Intimacy with the Love of Your Life One day, if not today, you may fall in love. And the past can stir up struggle with this, especially if it’s visually kept.

Endless Sharing, and Limitless Views Even if it’s not someone you know, you have zero control of who views the images and text you post. You do not own the pixelated past.

Bullying and Slut Shaming People can be mean. I hate it. You hate it. So don’t give them an open door to your heart.

With minors, nudes are considered child pornography It’s that whole legal thing again. But had to mention, specifically, for minors.

Negative Reputation and Loss of Relationships Some people will withdraw from others who post inappropriately. Also, some people will spread rumors. People know you by what you do, and what you say. Losing friends is a risk.

Pornography Addiction and Loss of Sexual Ability Images can be addicting. And pornography has physiological impact. If you have never heard that, please read about the science behind it.

Seared Conscience Finally, brain function is altered by what we do, and how we focus our time. Two verses speak clearly on this.

1 Corinthians 6:18 “Run away from sexual immorality. Every other sin that a person does is outside the body. But those who are sexually immoral sin against their own bodies.”

1 Timothy 4:2b ‘Men who cannot see what is right and what is wrong. It is as if their understanding were destroyed by a hot iron.’

So much information, I know. But hope this post meets you in a positive way.

Til next time, Together We Thrive~

Ayme

Kids n Technology

“I sent my 10-year old daughter to a sleepover, and they watched YouTube videos the entire time!” A friend shared her frustration. ‘Aren’t little girls supposed to be telling stories and painting nails?’

We sat together, four moms,in a rare conversation…each with a similar story, an emotional thread to contribute. I don’t have a daughter, but it’s the same with boys. 

Screen freedom at social gatherings is a much bigger deal than anyone likes to make it. Do you agree?

When kids hang out, are we curious enough about their technology? For the sake of innocence, and guarded for their path, we have to be. What do they see? What do they share? What fills their minds? And how is it affecting them?

A parent can never fully retrace their child’s experience online. It’s just not really possible. 

We all know, there’s so much to consider when it comes to social media and screens. Cyberbullying, social media pranks or dares, explicit sexual content, fake identity, pressure to participate, “nudes” (as kids are calling them), etc. — Morale is challenged at every turn, and it’s taking a toll on us, on our kids, and their friends.

With just one click, people are forever changed by these little devices. And it’s happening daily.

So what do we do?

I don’t want to go ‘there’ without some kind of resolution.

Do you?

We have to communicate as parents…carefully and honestly. This is a new role for me, and maybe for you too. These are some ideas to think about, and I wonder if you agree. (Also, I’m just beginning to try these things out & know it’s not going to be easy!)

6 Considerations When Talking with Other Parents |Kids & Technology

  • Boundaries~ Decide and communicate them as a family, before expecting anything somewhere else.

  • Respect~ Without concern for one another, a conversation about the kids and devices is a lost cause. If a parent doesn’t show care for another’s values, maybe the kids should keep some distance. It’s not that everyone has to agree, but there should be respect for each other’s boundaries.

  • Clear Communication about Expectations ~ This is the tricky one. I mean, it really calls us out of the comfort zone. And personally, I have a lot of growing to do here. If our kids share technology with someone else’s, there has to be an exchange between parents about the details. (Agh, it’s even hard to say that out loud. This isn’t something anyone really does, at least not in my circle.) Here are some things we should agree on~

  • Movie Ratings

  • Internet Access

  • YouTube Viewing

  • Social Media Availability

  • Location of Screens in the Home

  • Time limits or Restraints (esp. at a sleepover)

  • TV Accessibility

  • Video Game Approval

  • Ability to Download or Delete Apps

  • The Possibility of Removing Technology Altogether for the Event

  • Sacrifice for Differences ~ There will be differences. There might be a few, or there might be a lot, but families rarely share exact standards. And if we agree to let our kids hang out with someone else’s, everyone has to feel comfortable. It might take some sacrifice (for our kids and for us).
  • Accountability Assurance~ After expectations are spoken, what kind of monitoring will take place? How will I keep an eye on all of this in my home, and how will they…in theirs.
  • Trust or Distance ~ If we’ve come this far, and still don’t trust a situation for our child (children), distance might be needed. How very difficult this is, we need confidence for their protection.In this season, we’re stunned by the need to speak up. It is so.not.easy. Would you add anything to add to this list?

Join the Conversation~Together We Thrive!

Ayme

Imperfect, Intentional Parenting

I’m just going to say it, the Internet scares me sometimes, a lot. I started writing here because I believed awareness was something important, but didn’t understand how much until recent months. Lately, I’ve realized more about a dark reality that should never exist. And so often, I can’t even bring myself to share facts; they’re incomprehensible. Would it be better to simply not know? Should I just call it a wrap, toss in the towel, because victimization wrecks my emotions?

But ignorance only weakens us.

Modern kids, yours and mine, hold a new deck of cards. Their ability to outsmart older generations with tech-y skills has caught a lot of us off-guard. And in some ways, it’s caught them off-guard too. How many times could (or do) they end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, without knowing how? Truth is, most kids aren’t looking for trouble when they find it.

Digital freedom tests values with independence, and I’m not willing to send my tribe off with loose grip. Are you?

Do whatever it takes for clear vision, because what’s out there is fierce and fiery.

It’s hard to talk about all of this with other parents, face to face. I don’t know many people, if any, who get together and strategize internet safety. — not an easy chat, right? (We can’t bear the thought of ill intent.)

I haven’t found a path to perfection. My home isn’t a well-oiled machine. (I actually fear judgement that might come with writing here.) We are an imperfect family, doing the best we can, praying for guidance. We teach, lead, hope & pray for our kids, but can never force their choices. All of us are imperfect. But we can be intentional too.

As I write, you’ll notice caution about details of my kids’ journeys. Their experiences and mistakes are not mine to share…so if ever these posts cross the line, I would have to retreat. This isn’t just our family. It’s all-of-us! Internet safety relies on relationship, and that’s what this conversation is all about.

What you can expect here is a blend of life experience, personal reflection, and delicate accountability. If it’s your too vision, join along!

Together we Thrive!

~Ayme