Justice Isn’t a Feeling.

2020.

Friends, if we don’t agree on things right now, are you ok with it? Because there’s so much division lately, and I don’t want to get lost in conversations that build walls between us. Do you?

Backlash in opposing views is oppressive, and lot of us would rather walk on eggshells not to offend each other, or hurt relationships. But is peacemaking genuine with suppressed conviction and lack of reciprocation? What do you think?

I’ve wrestled with so many posts online since Covid hit. I know, it would be easy to just delete or mute feeds. But I’d like to tell my friends, even when we disagree, I want to understand your heart and why you believe that way. What motivates you? I’d like to talk about it, kindly.

However you feel towards politics, the pandemic, social distancing, and everything going on, I’m sure your opinion is only growing stronger (mine is too). So tell me this. As our world struggles with injustice, what are you doing about it? I’m asking myself the same. 

But it isn’t really an easy conversation. Today’s evolving definition of ‘justice’ has everyone on edge. Feelings have become the modern scale for what’s right and wrong, and it’s a total mess! Because if mine and yours are opposite, and opinions are the premise for order, there’s no resolve. Do you agree – we need a code of ethics, universal morale. (Psalm 19:7-10 gives me hope.)

Look at it through the lens of online culture. Consequences of social media have become obvious (lest you live in a cave). Sure there are a lot of positives, but a lot of risk too. Everything we view online impresses our minds.

Have you ever seen something you regretted, and then wondered how the heck it came across your feed? — How many of us watched the final moments of a man named George Floyd? I’d never seen anyone die before until I saw that video, did you? Someone thought it was ok to post, how is that ok?!

But when this becomes acceptable, we lose grip with empathy. And then, does it really matter what we post? I mean, if you think it’s funny, doesn’t that make it ok? It’s just a picture, just a video. What even is cyberbullying then? Just a feeling?

Unrestricted social media is shaping minds, often robbing innocence, even deafening hearts. But is that just an opinion?

If you’re still reading here, I think you agree that we need something better. We need justice warriors who crusade with love, respect, and esteem for others. Whether we agree or not, love wins. Love is what ultimately saves our world. 

So before putting up a fight, let’s be sure our actions do not thrive on the derailment of someone or something else. Instead, lean into the outcome of what we hope to achieve. Think on what is true. Focus on the solution. Justice isn’t a feeling.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, pure, and lovely, and admirable.” (Philippians 4:8)

Together We Thrive!
-Ayme

If they Learn One Thing, Let it be This.

We laugh ~

It’s just a picture. A video.

No, it’s a real person!

Memes, GIFs. Late night and other tv. Podcasts, whatever else. You know what I’m talking about. Filters add a little makeup, and we forget.

I feel the shift, but also this is really hard to parent! When people are like avatars, it numbs empathy, right?

I had no idea the influence of humor would be such an opposite pole in the journey of raising teenagers.

It’s not everything, all the time. But have you looked at a kids social media feed lately?

They’re laughing at the strangest things, honestly. I don’t appreciate all of it, and I think that’s expected between generations. But there’s a side we can’t ignore. Ethical issues are thwarted with twisted humor, and it’s shaping minds.

Some of the memes going around are really messed up, I don’t know how else to say it. When Kermit the Frog commits suicide, comics condone rape, and racism is funny, — we really need to figure this out!

Comedy hazes discernment, and it awakens my mama heart.

Friends, this is our kids’ culture, every one of theirs. This is what they gather around. It’s how they’re growing up. Phone or no phone, with or without social media. These influences lead their conversations, and worldview.

I can’t stay on point, can you? Doesn’t matter. Trends are a distraction.

Today’s parents, all of us, have challenges with social media. And it’s impossible to monitor everything, all the time.

Hope depends on the heart ~ We can harness that.

So if my kids (our kids) learn one thing, let it be this. Treat others kindly, ‘how you want to be treated’ — off screens, and on screens. It doesn’t matter the format. We all agree, realizing the heart and the value of every single person is good. It’s Right.

The Golden Rule anchors us.

In a culture that’s less thoughtful, we have to decidedly lead against the grain. Media fog rolls in, so be conscious and ready. This isn’t a game of dodgeball. Would you say it’s more like capture the flag?

Digital parenting takes action. It means stepping forward. Being aware. It means pausing and responding. It sometimes means speaking up, when we don’t want to. Having standards. Finding teachable moments, seeking them out. Loving others. Valuing people. The Golden Rule is mindfully taught.

And when, not if, one of us fails — be the one who’s kind. Speak the truth, in love. Because we are all learning here.

Screens empower us! Use them for good!

Together We Thrive~

13 Conversations | Photos and Privacy

What is privacy worth today?

“It listens to me anyway. And Alexa.”

We laugh.

“Big Brother knows everything,

Haha”

We don’t think twice anymore, most of us, am I right? I’ve noticed the change in my own life.

Yet we put so much out there. Information, intimate moments, images we can’t take back. Emotions too.

Social media distracts us, and we lose concern (dare we admit). Sometimes it’s a risk. Likes and followers = validation, and people do almost anything for approval. A desire for flawless performance, or at least the image.

We want to say it’s the younger generation, but it’s all of us. And for teens, this is just what they know. It’s how growing up is.

But achieving a likable image is more complicated than it sounds. Have you noticed, there’s growing pressure to be “sex positive” today, and to post it? Accepting, celebrating, and expressing sexual diversity is becoming expected. Boundaries & morality, looked down on. A post with sex appeal draws the larger crowd.

It’s disheartening, right?

We aren’t gaining from all of this. Have you noticed, so much focus on desire is stirring confusion, and pain.

Boundaries protect us, and morale creates trust. With blurred lines, we struggle to connect, and live insecurely. A demise to everything we crave.

‘Listen to your gut’ they say. But even when something doesn’t feel right, too often we hardly know why. Internal compass can be tricky with social media. And it starts early.

I partnered up with Andy from The Secure Dad on this topic for parents. He shares here about a parent’s role. “While I had taught him to look both ways before crossing the street…I never thought to share with my young son that it isn’t okay to take a picture without your clothes on.” Can you relate?

As “mommy”, I used to read articles like “What your 9-year old should know before puberty” and “How to prepare for a teenager.” Now, just few years later, I’m reading articles like “What every high schooler needs” and “Things your teenager wants you to know.” (my heart…it’s going so fast!)

Five years ago, I don’t recall conversations about “nudes” on the parenting checklists. (naked images, traded for likes on screens.) But today, it’s a key conversation for health and well-being. (agh, right?)

There are kids, never having even kissed someone, giving away total privacy with little thought. Respect for one another’s bodies isn’t common anymore. Or modesty. And there’s consequence. Emotional, psychological, physiological.

What’s the solution?

Maybe it starts with a little more conversation.

Let’s talk about this, all of us. As people who share digital community, this is on everyone’s radar.

Let’s empower one another with kindness, support each other with reason, and choose a heart for what matters.

I did some research, and here are some things to consider when we post. I think each one is a conversation of its own. What do you think? Do you have more ideas to add?

Together We Thrive⭐️

13 Conversations | Photos and Privacy

Pedophilia, Creepers, and People Who Want to Hurt Others There are ill-intended people searching for content online. And when you share digitally, whatever it is, could end up in the wrong hands.

Blackmail, Revenge, and Threat People can use your photos against you. And for years to come. Trafficking and blackmail often begin online.

Facial Recognition and Forever Permanence Photos and screenshots, of anything, are immortal. Facial recognition and modern innovation make tracking a cinch. You can’t really disown what you put out there.

TMI for Mom, Dad, Grandma Grandpa, Employers, Colleges, and Career Pursuit Imagine anything you post, or text, or take a photo of, might one day end up on a billboard or in a magazine, maybe your mailbox. Anyone could one day view anything you capture.

Legal Consequences, Criminal Charges, Sexual Assault, or CPS involvement There’s actually a lot of legal responsibility with the possession of nudes. And there can easily be a lawsuit for sexual harassment these days. Also, what if you become president one day?;) Honestly though, there can be serious criminal charges with digital sharing.

Guilt, shame, and natural regret You were made to value intimacy, and desire relationship. Feelings of shame and regret are a natural response with too much sharing. This is why depression rates and anxiety are on the rise. Digital identity is a huge topic with mental health today.

A roadblock for Intimacy with the Love of Your Life One day, if not today, you may fall in love. And the past can stir up struggle with this, especially if it’s visually kept.

Endless Sharing, and Limitless Views Even if it’s not someone you know, you have zero control of who views the images and text you post. You do not own the pixelated past.

Bullying and Slut Shaming People can be mean. I hate it. You hate it. So don’t give them an open door to your heart.

With minors, nudes are considered child pornography It’s that whole legal thing again. But had to mention, specifically, for minors.

Negative Reputation and Loss of Relationships Some people will withdraw from others who post inappropriately. Also, some people will spread rumors. People know you by what you do, and what you say. Losing friends is a risk.

Pornography Addiction and Loss of Sexual Ability Images can be addicting. And pornography has physiological impact. If you have never heard that, please read about the science behind it.

Seared Conscience Finally, brain function is altered by what we do, and how we focus our time. Two verses speak clearly on this.

1 Corinthians 6:18 “Run away from sexual immorality. Every other sin that a person does is outside the body. But those who are sexually immoral sin against their own bodies.”

1 Timothy 4:2b ‘Men who cannot see what is right and what is wrong. It is as if their understanding were destroyed by a hot iron.’

So much information, I know. But hope this post meets you in a positive way.

Til next time, Together We Thrive~

Ayme

Imperfect, Intentional Parenting

I’m just going to say it, the Internet scares me sometimes, a lot. I started writing here because I believed awareness was something important, but didn’t understand how much until recent months. Lately, I’ve realized more about a dark reality that should never exist. And so often, I can’t even bring myself to share facts; they’re incomprehensible. Would it be better to simply not know? Should I just call it a wrap, toss in the towel, because victimization wrecks my emotions?

But ignorance only weakens us.

Modern kids, yours and mine, hold a new deck of cards. Their ability to outsmart older generations with tech-y skills has caught a lot of us off-guard. And in some ways, it’s caught them off-guard too. How many times could (or do) they end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, without knowing how? Truth is, most kids aren’t looking for trouble when they find it.

Digital freedom tests values with independence, and I’m not willing to send my tribe off with loose grip. Are you?

Do whatever it takes for clear vision, because what’s out there is fierce and fiery.

It’s hard to talk about all of this with other parents, face to face. I don’t know many people, if any, who get together and strategize internet safety. — not an easy chat, right? (We can’t bear the thought of ill intent.)

I haven’t found a path to perfection. My home isn’t a well-oiled machine. (I actually fear judgement that might come with writing here.) We are an imperfect family, doing the best we can, praying for guidance. We teach, lead, hope & pray for our kids, but can never force their choices. All of us are imperfect. But we can be intentional too.

As I write, you’ll notice caution about details of my kids’ journeys. Their experiences and mistakes are not mine to share…so if ever these posts cross the line, I would have to retreat. This isn’t just our family. It’s all-of-us! Internet safety relies on relationship, and that’s what this conversation is all about.

What you can expect here is a blend of life experience, personal reflection, and delicate accountability. If it’s your too vision, join along!

Together we Thrive!

~Ayme

Purposeful Ideas | F A M I L Y ~ F U N

TV and video games are the go-to for my kids, and a good majority of others, when they need some downtime. But they aren’t relaxed when it’s time to power off. Why are they still wound up? ~I know mine aren’t the only ones.~

It’s hard to admit, yet the same thing happens to me. ‘But I’m not gaming.’ (I confidently tell myself.) My screen time is focused on “real-life productivity,” or at least most of it. (My pride deflates. This isn’t actually true. Anyways…) Gaming, social media, whatever it is, most of us like to check out with electronics. Self-control and time management are much needed skills…for all of us.

Just how important is this? Well, here’s what I found. Research has revealed a strong comparison between excessive video gaming and drug addiction. What!? I know! That sounds ridiculous. But you should read up on it. This is one of many articles that explains. http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/features/video-game-addiction-no-fun My gosh, that’s crazy, right?

In addition to ‘preventing addiction’ (as if that weren’t enough), there are a lot of other reasons to make boundaries with screens in our homes. If you’ve been reading the blog, you know my thoughts on digital roaming, — it’s one of the biggest reasons for us.

I’ve decided to seek after some purpose-filled tech-y activities for my family, alternatives to gaming. My kids are getting older (I have tweens now!!), and the options are growing with them. We are constantly moving forward, trying to figure out each new stage. Below is a compilation of ideas that I’ve discovered, and I want to find more! We’re going to attempt one of these this next week, or if I’m lucky, a few. If you have anything to add, I’d love to hear about it! Please share with us in the comments below or http://www.wethriveonline@gmail.com

Even while we explore new ideas, I’ll still try my best to be excited when our kids unlock new levels or accomplish something so totally irrelevant to real life on their screens. That is, after all, just one easy way to connect with them. 🙂

Tech-y Alternatives to Gaming

(Disclaimer: The links below may not be a good fit for every home. Be sure to preview them first.)

~Find something to celebrate every day. Explore holidays around the world, fun facts, etc.Some ideas can be found here. http://www.familyeducation.com/fun/calendars/2016-interactive-fun-facts-calendar

~Science projects, art projects, STEM projects! (There are so many sites!)

~RAK (Random Acts of Kindness) Find some online or just make up your own.

~Solvemysteries.http://kids.mysterynet.com/solveit/

~Photos – Make a book, edit pictures, or enter a photo contest. Learn new photography skills. Choose a theme and set some photography goals. (holiday decorations, favorite things in my neighborhood, my family, my favorite hobby, “me”, etc.)

Take on a Minecraft challenge WITH your kids! This book has awesome ideas. You can learn more about what they’re doing and also engage alongside them with the different activities. I love this book because it helps us meet our kids at their level.https://books.google.com/books/about/Unofficial_Minecraft_Lab_for_Kids.html?id=IWkzDAAAQBAJ&source=kp_cover&hl=en~

~Go on virtual field trips with Google Earth or other sites. This is one that I’ll need to research some sites for.

~Become globally aware. (I’m always telling my kids about current events in the world, but what if we did the research together? What if they learned about these things themselves? I wonder what kind of solutions they might come up with for humanitarian issues and needs, both worldwide and in our local community.) Here are a few sites I’m going to check out.

http://exploraworld.org/globally-aware/

http://asiasociety.org/mapping-nation/toolkit

https://www.commonsense.org/education/blog/3-creative-ways-to-teach-global-awareness

~Produce and edit stop motion videos and family movies. (iMovie, Voki, Animato, etc.)

~Make a family blog.

~Learn to type (on a real keyboard).

~Recipe search and learn to cook.

~For kids who like to write or create: Use photos or silly prompts to write short stories. Exchange the stories with friends, kids in the neighborhood, or by email. Everyone can add to them. Or, instead of writing, do this with a drawing or art project.

~Learn a new skill, or improve one that interests you. (Typography, fitness, drawing, painting, instruments, etc. When filtered, videos on youtube can be amazing for DIY learning.)

~There are some more greateducational ideas on these sites.

http://www.educationworld.com/a_tech/tech/tech146.shtml

https://sites.google.com/site/anchortechnologytomorrow/50-more-ways

~Other interesting sites to explore for projects:

https://iearn.org/cc/space-2

http://www.gamesforchange.org/play/

http://www.instructables.com(They have online classes too.)

https://makezine.com